Let’s use the third (the first and second are here) LGBTQIA+ Pride Month 2023 article to be real. Being real about the discrimination gay and bisexual men have experienced in the NFL, past and present.
To be clear, one player, Carl Nassib, coming out as gay does not mean that the football world is now a safe place for gay men. Or an accepting place. It means one player was brave enough to be his authentic self and play the sport of football – it only took the NFL turning 100 years old for it to happen.
One way we can be real about the realities of being gay in the NFL during Pride Month is to go back and acknowledge the pain and suffering that homophobia in the league has brought on individuals. We will tell the stories and amplify the voices of former players who dealt with extraordinary pain as a result of bigotry.
Former Players’ Experiences
We will discuss Ed Gallagher’s story more next week. What we will say is that he was cut from the New York Giants training camp in the late 1970s after two weeks because he was “under suspicion” of being gay. This is the same era when a player could do things like shoot a cop, gamble with organized crime syndicates, or repeatedly expose their bodies to children, all with a slap on the wrist and no game suspensions. But where the NFL drew the line in the 1970s was a potentially gay player with a squeaky-clean background on their rosters. How… dysfunctional.
The former NFL running back, Dave Kopay, has been the outcast of the sports world since coming out as gay in 1975. He had this to say about coming out: “It was such a painful experience, it was horrible. I sacrificed so much . . . I couldn’t get a job, couldn’t get a coaching position, no one wanted to hire me. It was like I committed murder.”
Michael Sam and Dave Kopay – Jim Buzinski
Esera Tuaolo came out as gay in 2002, talking about facing gay jokes and slurs as a defensive tackle in the NFL from 1991-1999.
After being bullied and threatened relentlessly with homophobia and bigotry by Miami Dolphins teammates, OL Jonathan Martin had a breakdown and quit the team. It does not appear that Jonathan Martin is actually a member of the LGBTQIA+ community, but that is beside the point. Martin was victim blamed, and told he should have just told the bully to “stop.” Is a follow-up question going to be, “What was he wearing?”
Chris Kluwe is also not homosexual but was very outspoken about his belief that gay marriage should be legalized during the 2012 season. Allegedly, his head coach told him to stop sharing his views publicly. Also, allegedly, the Special Teams Coordinator told Kluwe that he would “wind up burning in hell with the gays,” and told a group of players, “we should round up all the gays, send them to an island, and then nuke it until it glows.” Chris was cut after that season, but of course, it was all due to “on-field performance.”
Michael Sam was a solid draft pick in 2014, projected to go in or around the 4th round. Instead, he came out gay, publicly kissing his now-fiancé, and he dropped dramatically. He went in the seventh round. He was cut from the practice squad before he was able to play a snap in the NFL. We will talk a bit more about his situation later in this article.
Several former players felt incredibly afraid of being found out. And for good reason. It was a surefire way to get cut from the team. Roy Simmons played from 1979 to 1983 as a guard. He felt he had to hide his identity; no one specifically said anything, but it was silently communicated since the NFL required “gladiators” who were “male“.
Growing up, former New England Patriot Ryan O’Callaghan had a plan. He would play football, and then when he was done, he would end his own life. Football was a shield that would hide his sexual orientation. He spent his entire football career pretending he was straight and hooking up with girls, feeling uncertain about how to do locker-room talk when it was always about sex with girls, and languishing every time a family member or friend would say a gay slur. Ryan didn’t self-harm after his time with the Patriots; instead, he became addicted to painkillers while struggling with his identity.
Ryan O’Callaghan – Al Messerschmidt/Getty Images
His short career as a Kansas City Chief saved his life. He was able to get counseling and received support from the Chiefs GM; they had all counseled many closeted gay players before. Former players have called it the “gay grapevine,” where players culminate until if and when they do come out as gay, after they retire, of course.
Thankfully, Ryan is still alive and thriving. He is openly dating the people he loves and sees his life experience to mentor other people in the community who also experienced life-ending ideations. Read more about his life from his incredible book here.
The NFL celebrating Pride Month?
In June of 2021, the NFL released a video saying, “football is gay” in the caption of an ad. Many fans were not pleased, showing where the sports fandom world is at. It’s worth pointing out that, after the backlash, the NFL has not made any similar big declarations during Pride Month since. Most of these quotes and stories occurred in the 2010s, but this more recent event shows that attitudes have not changed; we will know they have when we hear them change.
How can they pretend to care during Pride Month, though, when they let so many things slip under the rug?
In 2013, Chris Culliver said, “I don’t do the gay guys, man. I don’t do that. Got no gay people on the team. They gotta get up outta here if they do. Can’t be with that sweet stuff…Can’t be…in the locker room, nah. You’ve gotta come out 10 years later after that.” What was his consequence? Sensitivity training. As much as I can’t stand what he said, I can’t be surprised. He’s saying the quiet part out loud, echoing the sentiments that many people have but don’t express to reporters.
Super Bowl-winning coach and sports analyst Tony Dungy is openly homophobic and isn’t afraid to say it. He has funded anti-gay organizations, supporting their anti-gay marriage stance with his personal convictions. He has also said he doesn’t agree with the lifestyle of NBA player Jason Collins, who came out as gay. He also said he wouldn’t want Michael Sam on his team if he was coaching it. He has also continued to tweet his opinions loudly and proudly with no repercussions. It feels like a rubber stamp of approval from the NFL, at least from my perspective.
The NFL also looked the other way when it came to “gay checking” during scouting combines. They would ask invasive questions about the players relationship status and gender preferences. Not only is this inappropriate, it’s invasive and, more importantly, illegal.
But it’s their “on-field performance”
Whenever a player does something controversial and then is cut from the team shortly thereafter, it’s always because of their “on-field performance.” Here are a few quotes from the NFL and team personnel’s reactions to Michael Sam coming out as gay prior to the draft that show his orientation and not his athleticism were to blame for his career’s demise.
One NFL staffer said, “I don’t think football is ready for an openly gay player just yet. In the coming decade or two, it’s going to be acceptable, but at this point in time it’s still a man’s-man game. To call somebody a gay slur is still so commonplace. It’d chemically imbalance an NFL locker room and meeting room.” (What does that even mean!!!) A scout had this to say: “I just know with this going on this is going to drop him down in the draft. There’s no question about it. It’s human nature. Do you want to be the team to quote-unquote ‘break that barrier?”
A coach said Michael Sam’s decision was “not a smart move” and would “legitimately affect his potential earnings.” After all, according to him, “If you knowingly bring someone in the locker room with that sexual orientation, how are the other guys going to deal with it? It’s going to be a big distraction.” Probably the “distraction” they’re trying to avoid with gay checking.
Can we be honest now, NFL? Honesty says that few are willing to say the quiet part out loud, but coming out as gay is career-ending and life-altering for players. It’s up to you to fix it. Adding a rainbow to your Twitter account during Pride Month doesn’t mean much.
The NFL isn’t alone; a survey found that 50% of LGBTQIA+ adults were bullied or insulted, often worse than their straight counterparts in the world of sports. It happens everywhere, but the NFL has the means to create meaningful change with their platform and influence that goes beyond superficial ads during Pride Month.
I’ll leave you with this, an encouraging quote from coach Jim Mora regarding segregation and racism in football and how UCLA actively combatted it in the 1970s: “We are always looking to break barriers. That’s what UCLA is all about. We don’t judge people on race, religion or gender — we judge them on achievement and attitude. For the young men who are here, who may face struggles in their own lives, they can say, ‘You know what? I can make it. I can achieve. I can go places where no one else has been.” Take that, NFL scout!
